Go (Mid)west, young woman

It's funny how dreams become memories. And how the loss of a dream can lead to some of the most wonderful and bittersweet changes in a life.

Our "dream" wall in 2020 - we would mark properties
for sale with pushpins, color-coded by price and acreage
I have lived in Indiana my whole life - but I have wanted to leave for more than half of it. I have dreamed of living in the Pacific NW since my very early 20s. My husband and I have planned, sketched dream properties and houses, "window-shopped" properties numerous times. I even went so far as to purchase maps of Oregon and Washington, plotting out climate pattern predictions to determine where we might want to end up long-term and selecting areas to search for homes. But circumstances, numerous and varied, have kept me here.

I have come *thisclose* to actually making the dream of living in the Pacific NW a reality more than once. The first time was in 2007, when my now-husband, ex-husband, and I all took a road trip out west so I could meet with professors at Oregon State University to discuss completing my doctorate. We were on track to make the move - then life happened. The 2008 housing crisis sunk our home under water financially and we were stuck. My ex met his now-wife. And life went on.

At Multnomah Falls in February 2023
But the most recent close call to that move has been the hardest to swallow. In late 2022 I applied for the job of Director for the Washington Chapter of Sierra Club. I felt confident I could wrap this job up with little struggle, as I was already in place as a Chapter Director here in Indiana - this was my chance to continue the work I loved and move to where my soul is pulled. Just as the interview processes were preparing to start, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And the rug was pulled out from under me yet again. I pulled my name out from the process and focused on surgery and healing.

To be clear, I am extremely grateful for where I am. After pulling my name from consideration for that job, my current role opened up and I feel like this is an opportunity that speaks even more fully to my desire to support people making the real change happen. That doesn't mean the loss isn't still there. And there are days I grieve the death of that dream.

The view west of my current home in Shelby County, IN

But I also realize that perhaps I have always been meant to stay. There is work to be done here in the Midwest. I recall a promise I made to myself back in 2008: I will continue to work to make Indiana a place filled with people who love all, treat all as equals, and live in harmony with nature. A place fighting for the betterment of lives, not the furthering of profits. A place that my children can be proud to be from.

And, for now, I'll look to the west of my Indiana home. Where the sun's rays spill over the horizon each night in a wash of pinks and brilliant orange and purple. And remember the promise and potential of every new day. And be grateful that I'm here to experience all of it.

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