For the Earth Warriors: Clinging to Hope

It was an unusually dark week for me. A rollercoaster of emotion and activity. It was the kind of week that takes your breath away, forcefully blows air back into your lungs, and then knocks the wind right back out again.

I won't get into all the details of what my week consisted of; suffice it to say that the work I do can be grueling, brutally exhausting, and - occasionally - incredibly rewarding (hence why I persist). And this week tested me in ways I had not been tested in quite some time.

I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder (with some mild depression mixed in; you know, just to keep things even more fun). My anxiety is most often rooted in the climate crisis and the devastation we are wreaking on this planet upon which we live. This makes it an impossibility for me to ever "get over" the trauma that I feel daily. And I am slowly learning more about this constant state of panic and guilt and anger and grief that I live with because I finally - after two decades of fighting it - decided to begin seeing a therapist. This week was only my second visit, but I am already uncovering so much about myself - especially how to visualize and conceptualize the feelings and thoughts that I so often have. And that is a priceless gift.

In addition, the ability to sit and talk with someone about the trauma I feel from decisions beyond my control, knowing the impact they will have on my children, is incredibly healing. To have someone who will not try and placate my fears or reassure my terror but will instead help me find ways to live with it, sit with it, and - somehow - still find joy and peace in my life is a relief that I cannot adequately express.

For those who, like me, are struggling to keep their head above the dark and stormy sea these days, I offer this bit of advice (for what it's worth): find someone to listen to you, to lend you perspective, but also to cry with you, to sit with you, and to just let you be inside of your darkness for a little while. Only by accepting where you are and learning the depths of all that you are feeling can you hope to find a place that allows you to both be true to the pain that you feel and the struggles that you endure, as well as make a place for hope and joy in a world that you are working so desperately to save.

We have much work to do and we must steel our spines and gird our hearts...but we must also let in those that can help us find the love and joy that make this work that we do worthwhile.

Onward, fellow Earth Warriors.

Comments

  1. Thank you Amanda. So honest, so real, so true. You have always inspired me. It is especially essential now that we own our grief, stand together, and never give up. I know I can count on you for all that. John Gibson

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, John. You helped pull me into this good work and I am forever grateful for the inspiration and opportunities your support has provided.

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  2. Nice. I once found solice in the woods, now they only bring anxiety. Feel so helpless to stop the destruction my state is reeking.

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