The Passage of Time
January 2019:
Pain. There is not much else these days. Everything hurts. Everywhere. My hands. My feet. My arms. My legs.... My heart. My soul. Getting older is so so hard. How do I accept the inevitable passage of time? My children growing. My body aging. The slow inexorable march of my life. And the climate crisis looming around every corner I turn. I just want to do everything I can to avert the worst potential outcomes, yet I can't seem to even motivate myself off of the couch and into the world. I feel as if I am slowly shrinking into myself.
I want to scream at the clock, the calendar, the sun. STOP TURNING. Please stop changing. Just for awhile. Let me hold onto this for awhile longer. Where did the time go? Such a cliche saying, but one I ask in heartfelt earnesty: Where did the time go???
I look at my children's faces and they are no longer beautiful babies but beautiful young ladies.
Then I look in the mirror. Lord. I don't even recognize myself. The last few years have taken such a toll. This work that we do. It is exhausting. It is infuriating. And it is aging. I swear I aged ten years in the last 3. All the work we accomplished previously: #NoKXL, COP21, Obama's Climate Action Plan - all tattered with the petulant fingers of a toddler.
April 2019:
Still I march on....I wrote the above as a draft over 3 months ago. I managed to pull myself off of that couch. There still is no answer for this pain I am experiencing. But onward I must go. Onward we all must go. The #INLegis was a debacle this year. The climate crisis is continuing to worsen. Yet...onward.
I wrote the following to a former student of mine who is considering following in my footsteps:
"The life of an advocate is one that is determined by the needs that present themselves. This work can be thankless and it can be so very hard. Stay flexible. Stay strong. Don't get discouraged. Remember that even when it doesn't feel like it - you ARE making a difference."
After all, there is a Green New Deal to pass. There is a crisis to confront. There is a democracy to take back.
No, I can't stop time. But together with all of you I can stop this path of destruction and find that road not taken. We will travel it together and when my time is done, I will rest well knowing that I did all that I could.
Will you?
Pain. There is not much else these days. Everything hurts. Everywhere. My hands. My feet. My arms. My legs.... My heart. My soul. Getting older is so so hard. How do I accept the inevitable passage of time? My children growing. My body aging. The slow inexorable march of my life. And the climate crisis looming around every corner I turn. I just want to do everything I can to avert the worst potential outcomes, yet I can't seem to even motivate myself off of the couch and into the world. I feel as if I am slowly shrinking into myself.
I want to scream at the clock, the calendar, the sun. STOP TURNING. Please stop changing. Just for awhile. Let me hold onto this for awhile longer. Where did the time go? Such a cliche saying, but one I ask in heartfelt earnesty: Where did the time go???
I look at my children's faces and they are no longer beautiful babies but beautiful young ladies.
Then I look in the mirror. Lord. I don't even recognize myself. The last few years have taken such a toll. This work that we do. It is exhausting. It is infuriating. And it is aging. I swear I aged ten years in the last 3. All the work we accomplished previously: #NoKXL, COP21, Obama's Climate Action Plan - all tattered with the petulant fingers of a toddler.
April 2019:
Still I march on....I wrote the above as a draft over 3 months ago. I managed to pull myself off of that couch. There still is no answer for this pain I am experiencing. But onward I must go. Onward we all must go. The #INLegis was a debacle this year. The climate crisis is continuing to worsen. Yet...onward.
I wrote the following to a former student of mine who is considering following in my footsteps:
"The life of an advocate is one that is determined by the needs that present themselves. This work can be thankless and it can be so very hard. Stay flexible. Stay strong. Don't get discouraged. Remember that even when it doesn't feel like it - you ARE making a difference."
After all, there is a Green New Deal to pass. There is a crisis to confront. There is a democracy to take back.
No, I can't stop time. But together with all of you I can stop this path of destruction and find that road not taken. We will travel it together and when my time is done, I will rest well knowing that I did all that I could.
Will you?
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