The Great Unless

I am swimming in dark water, kicking furiously to keep my head above water but with arms like lead - so that above the surface it appears that I'm effortlessly staying afloat. Dramatic? Yes. But true? Also yes. Gotdamn, life can be hard AF. The breast cancer diagnosis hit me like a brick to the head. I knew I would very likely face the big C eventually, but I thought I had a good 15-20 years before then. Throughout this process I have hoped for the all clear. Instead... The abnormal mammogram - "it's likely nothing, we just want a better look" Then the next abnormal mammogram - "we still see something, so we want to make sure it's nothing to worry about" Then the biopsy - "it is still a very small percentage of tests that come back cancerous" And here we are. A diagnosis of ductal carcinoma in-situ (DCIS). Sure this is incredibly treatable and has a great prognosis, but it's still cancer. In the past week, I've met with a breast surgeon

January 2019: Pain. There is not much else these days. Everything hurts. Everywhere. My hands. My feet. My arms. My legs.... My heart. My soul. Getting older is so so hard. How do I accept the inevitable passage of time? My children growing. My body aging. The slow inexorable march of my life. And the climate crisis looming around every corner I turn. I just want to do everything I can to avert the worst potential outcomes, yet I can't seem to even motivate myself off of the couch and into the world. I feel as if I am slowly shrinking into myself. I want to scream at the clock, the calendar, the sun. STOP TURNING. Please stop changing. Just for awhile. Let me hold onto this for awhile longer. Where did the time go? Such a cliche saying, but one I ask in heartfelt earnesty: Where did the time go??? I look at my children's faces and they are no longer beautiful babies but beautiful young ladies. Then I look in the mirror. Lord. I don't even recognize myself. The last fe

We hear a lot about the privilege and wealth of the 1% - the tax breaks, the gated communities (or mansions), the private jets, etc. We complain about the burden put disproportionately on the remainder of us - in stagnant wages, rising costs of living, and so much more. Genocide: according to Merriam-Webster it is defined as " acts committed with intent to partially or wholly destroy a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group; also : the crime of committing such an act." More thoroughly, the United Nations defines it as pictured below: I share this now because we have just seen the latest report from the IPCC  and my question is this: when will we hold the fossil fuel industry responsible for their actions? They have known the consequences of burning death dug up from the ground for decades and they led a campaign of misinformation and lies in order to continue making profits while the poor and the disadvantaged payed the heaviest tolls. Now we are all finally real

I am adrift. Lost in a sea of rage and despair with only this tiny lifeboat to cling to. How do we keep going, knowing what we know? In a world gone mad, what do we do when faced with countless bodies - victims of the largest mass murder in history? People whose lives ended because of the careless and soulless greed of humanity? Not all killed by a single person or a small band of felons, but by an industry and society gone mad. The climate is changing. Our world is changing. In a real, physical way. And it's not slowing down any time in the foreseeable future. And as it's changing, life is already getting harder for millions of people around the world. Resources - food, water - are becoming more scarce. We say BLACK LIVES MATTER. But what are we doing about the fact that black and brown bodies are the first to be sacrificed to the gods of oil and coal and gas? We say HONOR THE TREATIES. But what are we doing to prevent the contamination of Native lands? What are we doing

What to do What to say I feel like the world Ain't a clue As to the world of shit that it's in Look at me Here I'll be Just desperately Trying to fit in While waiting for it all to burn Every day I try To hide my tears My fears My certainty That it's likely all fruitless Until people Everyone everywhere Realize the truth Of this crisis We are heading toward doom Every single death From heatstroke From flood From hurricane From insect-borne disease From starvation From thirst Caused by a shifting climate Is a murder with no hope of justice What is violence if not this? If not now? If not here? If not everywhere? Corporations killing millions For blood soaked money Earned through fossilized black gold and dust

I had a revelation this morning Looking in the mirror Tracing the lines etched on my face Usually I see them, try to smooth them Worrying about the worry lines & signs And how they reveal my age But today as I stared at my reflection I saw movements in those lines & marks Acts of defiance and resolve The bruised color beneath my eyes: the fight to always act on climate This line next to my eye: the trench where we say Black Lives Matter Where we strive for equity and understanding among all people And this one: filled with the shouts of females all over the world As we continue to rise up and claim the future The furrow between my brow: carved there by countless conversations With those who don’t understand the harm done by fascism and bigotry And then I move on to see those lines next to my mouth: The result of countless smiles blessed to me by my daughters And all those who have brought me joy So many more triumphs and sorrows Etched into my face Th